Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Throughout my whole life I have always been quite reserved and quiet. I obviously knew I was quite an introverted person and throughout a lot of my childhood I was told that I was ‘too quiet’ and that I ‘didn’t speak enough’. At the time I didn’t realise how much these comments were effecting me. I was oblivious to the impact they were having on my life.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and realised that there is little information about the struggles of being introverted. On social media I see these videos that half-heartedly joke about being an introvert, but it too comes with its own set off struggles which I wanted to highlight in this post.
These are all the things that I personally experienced, so these lessons may differ from person to person. With all of that being said I hope you enjoy this blog post and find it useful.
Lesson 1: You can still feel lonely as an introvert.
As an introvert, big social interactions can really drain and tire me out. At times like these I usually like to be left alone. However, until recently, I have discovered that I had been living with this misconception that introverts can’t feel lonely. Especially when we love being alone. This misconception led me to a lot of confusion around the time of my teenage years because I was becoming increasingly lonely yet I still wanted to be alone.
It also made me question how much I loved my own company. But what I have learnt is that just because we may want to be alone sometimes, it doesn’t mean we have to be alone all the time. I also think it comes down to having people around us that we actually want to be around. I understand that its difficult to find people with the same values and interests as you but they are definitely out there.
Another thing I realised about myself is that I didn’t have a good balance between being social and being alone. At university I would just stay in my room. I didn’t even join any societies or take part in any extracurriculars. In a way I was sabotaging myself. The key is too find a balance between socialisation and being alone that suits you best.
Lesson 2: People may not instantly be attracted to you.
This was a lesson I learnt the hard way. Throughout my whole school journey I had always been left out. Whether it was birthday parties or get togethers, there was a 99% chance I wasn’t invited. The worst thing was when people chose their own groups at school and you’d be the last one left. That was awful, I still don’t know why teachers didn’t just pick randomly. At the time all of these things hurt me and I even remember crying to my parents about it.
One thing I have realised is that my personality wasn’t one in which people naturally gravitated towards. In particular people who I didn’t know. I think a lot of people are attracted to outgoing people who boost their own energy. I am quite the opposite; reserved and quiet.
And although we may be put in situations like the ones mentioned above, its important to learn from them. Something that I learnt is that, even though people may not be attracted to my personality initially, those that are and stick around to see the more open me, usually stay longer and this creates lasting friendships.
Even though throughout the whole of secondary school I didn’t have good friends, I made great friends in sixth form who included me in everything. It just goes to show you that the right people will include you no matter what.
Lesson 3: You may face a lot of criticism and may want to change your personality.
I was a little hesitant to write this section because of how much truth this has held in my life. But, I’m going to write it anyway.
I grew up in a very extroverted family, who were really loud and outgoing. To them, being introverted was not a good thing. I was constantly told to be more outgoing, bubbly and energetic, and felt put down by what they were saying. I knew it was advice they were giving me because they loved me, and lets face it this world is already a harsh place to thrive in, and it isn’t any easier when you are introverted. This is mainly due to the notion that successful people are extroverted (which isn’t necessarily true) and my family wanted me to thrive and do well. All of this negativity towards my introverted state made me want to change myself because I thought there was something wrong. But there isn’t.
Another example is when people would come up to me and talk about how much they loved a particular friend of mine. I began wondering if people found me just as interesting and fun to be around. I found myself wanting to be somebody I wasn’t.
The take away from this is that we shouldn’t change ourselves to fit in. Especially not something so personal and unique as to our own personalities. You will find people who you get on well with and you will find people who you don’t get on well with. It is impossible to be liked by everyone.
Lesson 4: You don’t have to prove your worth to anybody
There have been countless times in my past where I have felt the need to converse with people about something I didn’t care about just to prove my worth and that I am worth their time. This was the outcome of constantly being told that I was too quiet and that I didn’t speak enough. I had this idea that people were uncomfortable with silence and so I tried to fill it whenever I could.
Growing up I had this fear that if I didn’t talk to people about things they were interested in, they would lose interest in me and leave. I had this constant need to show people that I was worthy of their time. But I have realised that you don’t need to prove your worth to anybody. Anybody who is worthy of your time will stick around regardless and you wouldn’t feel the need to prove yourself. You would feel comfortable and secure in your relationship.
Conclusion:
I truly believe that everything life throws at you is a lesson to be learnt. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at first. All of the things mentioned above have all helped me understand myself better and so even though they were all things I struggled with growing up, they have all helped me grow in some way or another. I hope you found this post useful and I would love to hear about any of your own experiences.
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