Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Introduction
Introduction part 1:
Until recently, the fear of being seen alone was something that constantly plagued my mind.
I’d try to insert myself into friendship groups where I knew I wasn’t wanted.
And, I found myself clinging onto relationships that I knew where not healthy.
I was never necessarily afraid of being alone but rather afraid of being seen alone.
I was scared of what the people around me (my peers, parents, teachers etc.) would think.
And when you are young there is immense pressure to fit in.
One day, on my way home from school, my friend came up to me and told me how she admired how comfortable I was being alone.
This simple comment changed my whole perspective on this topic.
It made me realise that being seen alone wasn’t a weakness or anything to be embarrassed about and that the majority of people don’t really care.
I remember feeling really happy about this comment until I realised that my friend was wrong and that I wasn’t actually comfortable with it.
Deep down I was freaking out over what others would think.
Introduction part 2:
I wish I could say that the story ended here and that the realisation of nobody caring about what I was doing along with my friends compliment made me miraculously less scared about being seen alone.
But unfortunately this was not the case.
In fact I feel like emotions are one of the hardest things to alter and rewire.
I knew that it didn’t really matter if I was always hanging out alone, I’d constantly feel judged or embarrassed.
It’s almost as though your mind and heart are constantly battling between fact and feeling.
In this blog post I wanted to write about my experience dealing with this fear and what I learnt.
Hopefully, my experience can be of use to you!
1) Don’t let your fear of being seen alone stop you from living your life
Part 1: cinema trip
A few weeks ago I wanted to go see a movie in the cinemas. None of my friends wanted to come.
Honestly, at first I was a bit deflated but I know that spending money on a cinema ticket for a movie you couldn’t care less about is definitely a good call.
After realising that I would have nobody to go with I decided that I wouldn’t go. Going to the movies alone just wasn’t something I was comfortable doing.
But I realised that it was because I was scared to go!
I was scared about what others would think of me.
And I didn’t want to seem as though I had no friends.
And sometimes writing these things on my blog makes me feel really uncomfortable because I wish I didn’t feel these things.
But I do genuinely believe that these feelings are more common than I realise.
Every time I feel anxious about doing something new/different I always try my hardest to push myself to do it.
I challenge myself a little bit.
And although at times this can be mentally draining, the majority of the time I don’t regret my decision.
So, I decided to go to the cinema alone.
Part 2:
And although, after numerous power cuts and only 30 minutes of screen time, I didn’t get to watch the entire film, I was able to do something that I never thought I would do.
And there may be some people reading this who don’t understand what the big deal is, and I get it.
But I tend to over catastrophise in a way that blows the actuals situation out of proportion.
This fear of being seen alone was a huge thing for me to overcome.
I remember feeling really confident in myself after I left the cinema and it was a great feeling.
I didn’t let my fears stop me from doing what I wanted to do.
The cinemas was also really fun despite being alone.
I could definitely see myself going again in the future.
2) The more you do something the less daunting it becomes
I really do think that the more you do something the easier it becomes.
And unfortunately, this takes time, but it is time worth investing into yourself.
The more I began doing things alone the easier it became for me.
Now, I’d be lying if I said I am 100% fearless about doing things alone because there are definitely things that I still need a lot of convincing to do.
But I have significantly improved on this throughout the years.
One of the things that became less daunting the more I did it was joining new societies at university (which I wrote in my post about stepping out of your comfort zone).
Although, joining new sessions still provides its fair dose of fear, it is much less unbearable than it was when I first began university.
The one time where I felt the most improvement was when I was out shopping in Tk max and was actually calm and taking my time browsing through everything.
I didn’t care about what the people around me where thinking or doing, it was just me and the really pretty hardback covers of books.
I was slowly overcoming my fear of being seen alone.
I’ve realised that the more I do things alone (in public) the easier it becomes to tackle all of the anxiety related to it.
And I think the one mistake that a lot of people make when applying this advice is that they think they’ll get instant results.
But, from my experience, this is something that generally takes a long time.
But as I mentioned before, I do believe its time well invested.
Conclusion
Although this blog post was quite short I still hope that you enjoyed it.
I would love to hear any feedback you may have on my blog and I’d love to hear of your own experiences relating to anything mentioned in this post.
(I hope you liked the photos that I took too)
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